I Want To Get Off Now!

When I look back at what I have achieved in this blog, at a basic kind of level, I have to say that I feel pleased to have kept it going and to have sustained it for the duration. My intention was to show what the ups and downs are like for an amateur poker player in the space of a year and to show the thrills and spills that are involved in trying to eke out a small profit in this maddening game. I know that some of my posts have been boring, or dull "thinking aloud posts", but it's the therapeutic nature of writing and the need to fit the pieces together via the written word that have made those posts necessary. Despite those less dynamic posts, I like to think that I have achieved my goal and that readers have appreciated what I set out to do.

The point I am getting at is that even though there are about three weeks to go, I really think that I have said all that I want to say and that I just want to get off this ride now. I won't pretend that my recent results have nothing to do with this, they do; I'm just finding it very difficult to keep the motivation going (for writing about poker) when every time I think I'm back on track, I get knocked off again. As mentioned before, as far as the blog goes, all I really want to do now is to get to next year, brush off the demons (both poker and work-related), wipe the slate clean - and break away from the chains of this blog!

Strangely, I guess, one thing I'll look forward to doing is smashing this wall of honesty that I've built up around myself over the past year. I've done a lot of reflective thinking over the last year in this blog and have revealed a hell of a lot about my thinking processes. Thankfully, poker thinking evolves and next year as well as being able to move forward with my development and the way I think about poker at a strategic level, I won't have to write about it anymore either! Hurrah!!

The other reason that I want this year over with is so that the exact details of my bankroll requirements are clear in my head. With one more payday to come, Christmas approaching, the daughters coming home from Uni and a few more poker sessions on the cards it's quite hard to arrive at a final bankroll figure for the live and online games. But this isn't really an individual or personal problem, all poker players are in that boat.

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To sum up, I'm feeling just a little bit sorry for myself right now and although I'll still post a load of old twaddle now and again, I can't see myself posting as regularly as I have been over these last few weeks.